© 1994 Lawrence I. Charters
Washington Apple Pi Journal, Vol. 16, no. 9, September 1994, pp. 33-34.
Desktop publishing might be blazing fast, but it isn’t fast enough for some things. By the time this reaches print, you will have heard all about the wondrous goodies introduced at MacWorld Boston (Aug. 2-5). I could tell you what the “hot” products are going to be, but then I’d look foolish when my predictions bombed between the time I wrote them and the time you read them. Since I can look foolish without the effort of making predictions, why bother?
Instead, let’s look at the MacWorld Experience. Most Mac users have never been to a Mac World, which is a major shame. MacWorld Expos have been going on for ten years now, dating back to the original 128K Macintosh of 1984. Millions of people have walked tens of millions of miles of MacWorld corridors, consumed millions of baseball park-priced bad hotdogs at the exposition center food stands, collected megatons of buttons, pens, pencils, T-shirts, bags, umbrellas and other freebies, and shopped for billions of dollars of merchandise. But there’s more.
For me, someone from the Other Coast, a visit to MacWorld is an excuse to see parts of the country I’d never seen before. Zipping up the immaculately maintained interstate highways, through the scenic Delaware, New Jersey, New York, Connecticut and Massachusetts suburban wonderlands, enjoying the alert, careful, courteous East Coast drivers – this is an experience not to be duplicated elsewhere.
And the tourist sites! Boston Commons, the oldest public park in America, cradle of liberty, training ground for British soldiers prior to the Revolution, and sometime cow pasture. I never would have imagined it to be surrounded by a stout iron fence. The price of liberty is eternal vigilance, and if this means locking up Boston Commons, it is a small price to pay.
Windows does it all
Scene: Apple’s pavilion outside the World Trade Center. This huge tent was widely viewed as the place to see the hottest goodies, due in no small part to temperatures in the 90s, high humidity and rotten air conditioning.
“But this must run under Windows. Our ADP people told me Windows can do anything a Macintosh can do, only better,” said the smartly clad executive.
“No, System 7.5 is strictly for the Macintosh,” explained the youthful, polo-shirted Apple engineer.
“Are you sure? Maybe you should ask someone more experienced, young man.”
Bumbershoots
Scene: outside the World Trade Center. A quick, violent downpour has soaked a long line of MacWorlders standing in line for the free shuttle buses between World Trade and the Bayside Exposition Center.
“Look at me, I’m a mess. I told you to watch the WordPerfect demo and get a free umbrella, but no, you didn’t want to miss anything,” said one Significant Other to the other.
“Use this to dry off a bit,” said the Other Significant Other, offering a hand towel given away by Asante, emblazoned with the slogan, The Hitchhikers Guide to Networking.
“Even my socks are soaked. Was anyone giving away socks?”
Watson, I need you
Scene: the Apple pavilion. A MacWorlder has asked an Apple engineer a question about telecommunications in System 7 .5. The Apple engineer doesn’t have the information he needs to answer the question on the spot.
“What are you doing?”
“I didn’t bring any paper, so I’m going to send myself an E-mail message reminding me to look it up. Then I’ll send you the answer via E-mail.”
“I understand that part, but it looks like you are logging on to a remote machine.”
“I am. This is in my living room in Cupertino.”
”You set up an Internet node in your living room?”
“Why not. Hmmm, my wife has turned off her computer. I was going to leave her a message. (Sigh.) I suppose I could call her on the telephone.”
Things I didn’t buy
Most interesting titles or promotions at the show:
Desktop Life (for the Aquazone desktop aquarium).
Leather Trimmed Computer Travelers (for leather PowerBook and Newton carrying cases).
Samurai Pervert Interactive (X-rated CD-ROM title from Japan).
Rearrange Your Face (promotion for Morph 2.5 special effects software).
Most Expensive Monitor Stand (sign taped to an inactive Pentium computer being used as a monitor stand).
Next time, try Volvo
Scene: a restaurant near a motel virtually taken over by MacWorlders. A man in his fifties has been talking about all the cars he has owned since he retired from the Army, 11 cars in 12 years. The subject inevitably returns to computers.
“I’m very disappointed at how Apple is treating their original core of enthusiasts. They’ve abandoned all the old Mac owners. Yes, I heard what they said, but be honest: I’m never going to run System 7 .5 on my Mac 512K.”
“How can you say they’ve abandoned you? Your Mac is 10 years old, and you use it every day. How many cars have you gone through in the past ten years? Did General Motors provide better support and upgrades than Apple?”
“That’s different.”
MacWorld Florida
Prior to this trip, there were four states I’d never visited: Florida, Vermont, New Hampshire and Maine. On the way back, we made a deliberate wrong turn and drove through Maine, New Hampshire and Vermont. After a lobster dinner in Maine, we encountered a Moose Crossing sign a few miles into New Hampshire. This inspired my daughter and I to compose the following:
Ten Good Things About Moose
by Lykara & Lawrence
10. Moose don’t fly.
9. Santa doesn’t use them.
8. They don’t wear neckties.
7. They don’t have guns.
6. Damn. (See 7).
5. They’re herbivores.
4. Only one ugly moosling per moose mating per year.
3. They don’t eat lobster.
2. They don’t eat microwave popcorn.
1. They don’t jet ski.
Next stop: Florida.